Your Homework This Fall

I don't know about you, but the roller coaster “chug chug chug” ascent towards September always fills me with anticipation.

I’m transported back to the Supermarket Sweep–esque shopping trip for new notebooks and new shoes, and with them, the delusional belief that this is the year dopey-but-dreamy jock Gerard notices me if I just douse myself in enough Gap Om fragrance (which is back, by the way!).

That back-to-school energy is worth stealing, even as adults.

After all, who couldn’t use a “This is my year” vibe??

So consider this your #SGapproved fall checklist ✅✅✅

“We need to collectively get past the mindset that $10 is an appropriate price for a t-shirt,” Team SG’s Gabi Meyers told me.

She's right. A piece of clothing’s low price generally means compromises have been made along the way that devalue the labor that went into making it. Compromises that we should no longer be comfortable with, and if we can help it, as consumers, we should skip those items when we can.

Buying fewer, better things can help curb our practice of always looking for the lowest price.

Instead of asking, “How cheap can I get this?” try asking, “How long am I realistically going to own this?” The cost-per-wear formula is one worth learning this (school) year.

At some point, you have to stop telling yourself women are a mysterious, unknowable species.

She didn't text you back? Maybe she's busy. Maybe she's not interested. Maybe she forgot. It probably isn't evidence of a vast conspiracy against you because you're 5'7” and don't own a boat. Despite the cottage industry devoted to convincing men otherwise.

Here's the truth: women are people. We have wildly different tastes, personalities, priorities, insecurities, and ideas about what makes someone attractive.

If finding your way into a relationship feels genuinely insurmountable? Get some help! Buy the class. Hire the dating coach. Ask a female friend who will actually tell you the truth about your dating app profile. Work on your conversation skills by joining a run club or volunteering at a local animal shelter.

The goal isn't to become some pickup artist a-hole who's memorized a bunch of lines designed to “hack” women. It's to become a guy who can meet a woman, talk to her like a person, express interest without making it weird, and even handle rejection without turning it into a referendum on his worth.

Maybe you keep having the same fight with your partner. Maybe work has you feeling burned out, or you’re struggling with what you actually want your life to look like.

Or maybe everything is basically fine and you just want to understand yourself a little better.

If you know how to prioritize your physical health—whether that means making it to the gym, getting enough sleep, or meal prepping your Sunday afternoon away—then you know what it looks like to make room for your mental health, too.

Therapy isn't some adulting fail. It’s more like hiring a tutor for a subject you’ve been winging for years.

And honestly? Most of us could use the extra credit.

Do you know the term “centering?” It sounds like positive self-care, but - oops - it’s not!

When you center your own voice and experiences in every conversation, you can miss those of people who see the world differently from you.

Spoiler: that’s bad.

Men have been centered for so long as the protagonist of books, TV shows, movies, and music that it can be easy to become the fish who doesn’t know what water is. It’s just always been like this.

So if your nightstand consists mainly of WWII thrillers written by men named Bill about men named Jack, take a book by a woman for a spin. Watch a show starring a Black woman. Listen to an album by a trans musician. Go see a movie that isn’t primarily about a guy punching another guy in the face.

This doesn't have to feel like homework. The point isn't to earn a diversity merit badge. It’s to make your cultural world a little bigger.

Un-center yourself and you’ll see the world open up.

Repeat after me: It's okay to take care of myself.

Natalie Aguilar, a licensed nurse and aesthetician, once told me that a male client arrived for a facial saying, “I’m only here because my wife sent me. I hope this is a once-a-year thing!”

Can you imagine saying that to a dentist? “Care about gum disease? Nah bro, couldn’t be me!”

Aguilar said that after the facial, the same guy asked how frequently he could come back.

Yeah. Of course. Facials feel amazing. Taking care of your skin makes you look better. And there’s nothing remotely unmanly about wanting to look like you got eight hours of sleep even when you absolutely did not.

So consider this your permission to give a sh*t about your appearance.

Back-to-school season is a particularly good time to reset your grooming routine. Replace the crusty razor. Get the haircut. Buy the moisturizer with SPF.

Take a look around your workplace.

Who gets promoted? Who gets interrupted in meetings? Who gets credit for ideas? Who gets invited into the room when decisions are being made?

If you're in a position of power, even a little bit of power, you have more influence than you probably think.

When you can, be transparent about salaries. Sponsor colleagues that don’t look like you. Do the internal work of understanding privilege and external work of committing to anti-racism.

And remember: being a decent colleague isn't supposed to be a one-time assignment you turn in for a gold star.

It’s something you practice over and over. Give credit. Make introductions. Speak up when something is unfair.

Spend your capital making the room better for people who don't have as much as you.

Let's retire the idea that every September (or January...or Monday) is an excuse to declare war on your body.

You don't need to punish yourself for what you ate last weekend. And you definitely don't need to treat your body like a subject that you're constantly failing.

That doesn't mean wanting to eat better or work out more is a bad goal. It just means those goals don't have to come from hating yourself.

Your body is the thing carrying you through literally everything else you're working to accomplish. It deserves some basic respect.

Maybe that means getting stronger. Maybe it means getting more sleep. Maybe it means finally making that doctor's appointment you've been putting off. Maybe it means buying clothes that fit the body you have right now instead of waiting for the body you think you should have.

Where are you directing your “back to school” energy this fall? Head to the SG Discord and let me know.
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